Understanding betrayal in relationships
Betrayal doesn’t always look like it does in the movies. While infidelity is one of the most recognised forms, betrayal in a relationship can take many shapes. It might be a lie that unravels trust, a secret that was kept, emotional withdrawal, or a moment when one partner failed to stand up for the other. Even subtle forms—like emotional disconnection, financial dishonesty, or broken promises—can deeply wound the bond between two people.
No matter the form, betrayal often strikes at the core of a relationship. It can leave one or both partners feeling disoriented, hurt, angry, or lost. You may find yourself asking: How did this happen?, Do I even know this person anymore?, or Can we come back from this?
These questions are normal. They are part of the process of making sense of pain. And while betrayal can feel like the end, many couples find that—with care, time, and support—it can also be the beginning of a deeper, more honest connection.
The emotional impact of betrayal
Betrayal brings up a complex mix of emotions. Often, people feel:
Shock or disbelief – especially if the betrayal was unexpected.
Anger – directed at the partner, or even at themselves.
Shame or embarrassment – feeling foolish for trusting.
Grief – mourning the relationship as it once was.
Fear – of being hurt again, or of what comes next.
At its core, betrayal can shake our sense of emotional safety. We may find ourselves hyper-vigilant, emotionally shut down, or swinging between hope and despair.
How Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured, evidence-based approach to couples counselling that focuses on the emotional bond between partners. EFT helps partners recognise and reshape the patterns that keep them stuck, especially in moments of emotional pain or conflict.
In EFT, the goal isn’t just to stop the fighting or repair a single incident. The aim is deeper: to rebuild a secure emotional connection where both people feel seen, safe, and valued.
At Gestalt Encounters, we integrate EFT with Gestalt principles—focusing on awareness, presence, and the whole person in the here and now. This combination helps couples move from blame to understanding, and from disconnection to closeness.
How EFT can support healing after betrayal
When a couple is facing betrayal, EFT provides a gentle framework for healing:
1. Creating a safe space
The first step is helping both partners feel emotionally safe enough to explore the impact of the betrayal. This includes slowing down the conversation, allowing space for both people to speak without judgment, and validating the hurt that is present.
2. Exploring the emotions beneath the surface
Betrayal can lead to defensiveness or shutdown. EFT helps both partners connect with what lies underneath—perhaps sadness, fear, longing, or shame. Naming these emotions can help us feel less stuck and more human to each other.
3. Understanding the cycle
Most couples fall into reactive cycles after a betrayal—one person might pursue answers while the other withdraws. In EFT, we look at these patterns together, not to assign blame, but to understand how each person is protecting themselves—and how this cycle keeps them apart.
4. Expressing needs and regret
The person who has betrayed the trust often carries deep regret. EFT offers a structured way for them to express this in a way that is emotionally attuned and healing. Equally, the hurt partner can express their pain, not to punish, but to be heard and held in their experience.
5. Rebuilding connection
Once emotional safety begins to return, couples can start to rebuild trust. This means making new choices, building consistent behaviour, and reconnecting through shared vulnerability.
Is healing always possible?
Not all couples choose to stay together after a betrayal. Sometimes, the work of counselling is about finding clarity and parting with dignity. But for many, this work becomes a turning point—where a relationship transforms into something more honest, intimate, and resilient.
Whether you are reeling from a betrayal or wanting to support a partner who is, the process of healing starts with one thing: a willingness to face the emotions, not alone, but together.
At Gestalt Encounters, you’re not alone
We know how painful betrayal can be. We also understand the courage it takes to seek help.
Through Emotion Focused Therapy, combined with the awareness and relational depth of Gestalt practice, we help couples find their way back to each other—or back to themselves.
If you're navigating betrayal and want support, reach out to us. We're here to walk alongside you.
Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash