When a child shares that they want to transition – whether socially, medically, or both – it can be a deeply emotional moment for parents and caregivers. You may feel pride, worry, confusion, fear, love – often all at once. If you’re reading this, it likely means you care deeply and want to do the right thing. This article gently explores how to support your child using the principles of attachment theory, guided by Gestalt relationship counselling.
Understanding what transition might mean
Transitioning can involve many different things for different people. For some children, it’s about using a name or pronouns that match their gender identity. For others, it might include changes in clothing, hairstyle, or eventually medical interventions. Regardless of what transition looks like for your child, the most important thing they need from you is a secure base — a place where they are safe, seen, and supported.
What attachment theory teaches us
Attachment theory suggests that a strong, responsive bond between a child and their caregiver lays the foundation for lifelong emotional wellbeing. Children thrive when they feel their caregivers will respond to their needs with sensitivity and attunement. When a child shares that they want to transition, they are offering you a precious opportunity- to stay close to them emotionally in one of the most vulnerable and important times of their life.
With Gestalt therapy, we focus on meeting people where they are, in the present moment, with authenticity and compassion. This approach supports both the parent and child in staying grounded in the here and now, which helps reduce fear and opens space for deeper connection.
How your child might be feeling
Children and teens who come out as trans or gender-diverse often feel:
Vulnerable and unsure – fearing rejection or misunderstanding.
Relieved – after keeping their identity hidden for some time.
Anxious – about how others will respond.
Hopeful – that this could be the start of living more authentically.
It's common for young people to test the waters gently at first, using small cues or hints to gauge your response. They may not always have the language to explain how they feel, and they may still be working it out themselves. Your job is not to have all the answers but to keep the door open to conversation and connection.
How to start or continue the conversation
Create a calm, non-judgemental space – Let your child know that they can talk to you about anything, and you won’t love them any less.
Use open-ended questions – Instead of “Are you sure?” try “Can you tell me more about how you’ve been feeling?”
Be okay with not knowing – It’s okay to say, “I’m still learning about this, but I want to understand you better.”
Let them set the pace – Your child might not want to talk all the time. Respect their boundaries while staying emotionally available.
Practical ways to support your child
Here are some attachment-informed tips to help your child feel safe and seen:
1. Listen without fixing
Your child doesn’t need you to solve it — they need to feel heard. Validate their emotions without jumping to problem-solving.
2. Respect their identity
Use their chosen name and pronouns. This might feel awkward at first, and that’s okay. Practice. It makes a difference.
3. Learn together
Let your child see that you’re interested and engaged. Read books, watch videos, or attend support groups with them.
4. Offer consistency
Transitions in identity can be met with instability from the outside world. You can be their constant, offering love, structure, and calm.
5. Hold your own feelings gently
It’s okay for you to have big feelings too. Grief, confusion, or fear don’t mean you’re a bad parent. Seek your own support so you can stay present for your child.
If you’re a teen or child reading this
First of all, thank you for being here. It takes courage to even start looking for support. If you’re thinking about transitioning, here are a few things to keep in mind:
You’re not alone. There are many people who feel the way you do, and support is out there.
Your feelings are valid. You don’t need to have it all figured out to start expressing who you are.
It’s okay to take your time. There’s no rush. You get to explore at your own pace.
You deserve support. If your family is struggling to understand, there are counsellors, online communities, and groups who can stand with you.
If you feel safe, talk to someone you trust. This might be a parent, a sibling, a teacher, or a counsellor. If you don’t feel safe at home, there are organisations and helplines that can help you find safety and connection.
When to seek counselling support
Sometimes, these conversations stir up deep emotions for both parents and children. Counselling can be a safe and supportive space where everyone is allowed to feel what they feel, without judgment.
At Gestalt Encounters, we work with families in a gentle, relationship-focused way that honours each person’s story. We help you stay connected — to yourself and to each other — as you navigate change together.
Be present
Supporting a child who wants to transition doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. Through the lens of attachment and Gestalt therapy, you can build a bridge of trust that allows your child to grow into who they truly are, knowing they are loved, supported, and not alone.
If you or your child is looking for counselling support, contact Gestalt Encounters.
Helpful resources in Canberra for intersex, trans and gender-diverse people and their family and friends
For more information and additional support, you might also wish to contact:
A Gender Agenda - supporting the goals and needs of the intersex, transgender and gender-diverse communities of Canberra and the surrounding region. www.genderrights.org.au or phone (02) 6162 1924.
Meridian in Canberra - Canberra’s LGBTIQA+ community-controlled, peer-led organisation providing health and social support services in the community. www.meridianact.org.au or phone (02) 6257 2855.
Photo by Erika Fletcher on Unsplash